Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
