My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
