Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
