HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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