last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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