Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
