Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
