here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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