somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
