Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
