I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
