Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
