Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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