Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
