Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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