get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
