If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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