Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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