There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
