If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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