well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
