at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
