Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
