I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my poor anus
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
