dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
