I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
