first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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