Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
