I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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