I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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