finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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