U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
