She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
