that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
