The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
