How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
