So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
