I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
