we're blogging at a bar
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
