it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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