SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
