I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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