her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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