mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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