You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
