Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
