I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
