I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My balls are so social today.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
