Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
