he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
