What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can you bring me the toilet please
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
