I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
