'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
how does that bad decision feel?
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